Will Knott-Pass, resident fashion expert at the Oxy Moron has compiled a list of his favourite fashion tips to ensure you’ll be looking good from A-F this Finals season.
How can you expect to get good grades when you don’t even look good? That’s why the Oxy Moron’s resident fashionista, Will Knott-Pass, has compiled a list of this year’s hottest Finals Week fashion trends. This article was designed to provide fashion tips while depriving you of precious study minutes at home, class or the library on material that’s definitely more relevant and at least a little more exciting.
Hair – The first indicator of how many days it’s been since you’ve showered, or how many exams you’ve written, based on the amount that has been pulled out. The key to perfect exam hair is to make it appear that you just got out of bed, ran your hand through it for 5-10 seconds and called it a good hair day. Women may find it useful to spend an additional 3-4 seconds putting their hair into a messy bun, in order to compliment the ‘combed-with-a-blender’ look.
Hat/Toque – A great alternative for the openly messy hair look is to incorporate some headwear to cover the shame of a messy bun or bedhead hairstyle. Baseball caps or Snapbacks are a great way for bros to tame their flow, alright there bahd? Toques or knitted hats are also a unisex option that also helps to create an “I know that you know that under this hat is a greasy, sloppy mess that neither of us will talk about” understanding between individuals.
Hoodies – Nothing completes a Finals Fashion outfit quite like a hoodie or sweatshirt. And nothing accents a hoodie quite like a mustard stain from a Subway sandwich consumed three days ago. Hoodies provide an ideal balance of warmth and comfort, with the hood also acting as a light blocker for when you are taking up valuable real estate sleeping in public study areas. Make sure you have room for another .5 of a person to ensure your sweater is too legit to fit.
‘WTF’ (Well, That Fits) Sweater – These are the sweaters you forgot you had, but all that’s left hanging clean in your closet. They range in designs from ‘ravishingly hot’ to ‘raving and homeless’ and despite what the traditional fashion guidelines say, the entire spectrum is acceptable during exams. *Top Tip: Finals are a perfect time to experiment with articles not generally worn at any other time of the year, ie. swimming goggles, raccoon fur hats, etc. Have fun and experiment with your wardrobe and accessories!*
Sweatpants – If you’re not wearing pants while you read this, you are are not truly a student. Sweatpants have become a ‘study uniform’ for a generation and are the ultimate admission of fashion-defeat, and thus they are the perfect bottom to any style-conscious studier. Despite the infinite wear-to-wash ratio of jeans, sweatpants are still the ideal pant to run to the convenience store to pick up your favourite stress food; and since the waistband expands, it is the only pant that will effectively accommodate those extra calories. If your sweatpants are dull, wearing a lacy pink top or a V-Neck top will make them look a thousand times better. This of course, will look better if you happen to be a woman.
Yoga Pants – The ultimate male study distraction and go-to pant choice for woman looking for insanely comfortable comfort and apparent athletic-ness. Yoga pants are ideal for any outfit whether you plan to do Downward Dog or the Silent Cry Over Textbook poses, unless you are a man (they’re not called broga pants).
Pyjama Bottoms – There are few pieces of clothing that say let’s get serious about studying quite like the literal ‘I-just-got-out-of-bed’ look. PJ pants communicate to everyone around you that you focus on comfy-ness and anti-stylishness. Onesies (with the feet, of course) also display to everyone that you are putting 100% of your thinking towards exams, rather than needless decisions about pants.
Socks and Underwear – These typically have a ‘clean lifespan’ of one day; however, during exams there is an unwritten rule in the fashion world that these articles gain a minimum additional three days of freshness. It’s okay to experiment here with miss-matched socks; in general it is assumed that the socks you select were the first ones you found on the floor of your room.
Crocs – Nothing quite complements the ‘I-haven’t-seen-a-shower-in-a-week’ aroma quite like a pair of Crocs. These stink-releasing pockets of putrid plastic are perfectly partnered with social ostracism, which is perfect for the silent-studier looking to avoid friendly distractions. They come in more colours than a jumbo box of Crayolas, yet look unappealing with every other article of clothing ever created. This means you can be rest assured that your armpits will not be the reason you have no one to study with.
Uggs and Ugg-alikes – These shoes look pretty terrible on most women, and all men. They have become a standard in Final Fashion due to their ability to be paired with equally chic out-of-shape stained track pants, oversized sweatshirts and messy hair. Uggs are gateway drug to other bad fashion choices, and for that reason alone they solidify the last spot in my Final Fashion guide.
You can see your exam schedule circled on your barely-visible calendar, behind your stack of dusty textbooks and study sheets. Finals are here, but that’s no reason to sacrifice your style; it is important to still understand that Finals can be fashionable! I hope you have taken away some tips that will help you put the F in Fashion, rather than your grades.